A Year now

I still sense your presence in our favourite places.

Dear Sid, It’s been a year now. I made it through. So much to share with you. I’ve spoken aloud to you and wept many a time as our dear little Bear and I walked through mist, snow, or welcome shade in our favourite dog forest. Your stick still awaits you there, up against the fence.

I stopped walking there every day because it made me too sad. Besides, in spring we went more often to Sebastian Beach to be warmed by the gentle sun. So glad you requested your ashes to be sprinkled there, where Bear and I go often anyway because it’s so near and dogs can run free. The scenery amazes me every time. If there’s a place on earth both of us would like to be forever, it’s there.

In winter I walked the beach listening to the crashing waves and sobbing, pouring out my heart to you in starts and stops. Sometimes I sat in the car observing the tumultuous sea and sky and letting the driving rain on the windshield wash away my sorrows. As summer came on, when the tide was out I walked barefoot on the sand as Bear ran back and forth, and then when it got really hot, I swam and thought of all the times we swam there together. You dove right in, urging me to join you. I still make my way in ever so slowly. But once in, it’s sooo nice. I remember all the fun we had together frolicking in the water and I miss you.

Plenty of love and support

You had lots of friends. The church people showered us with kindness, sending cards, emails, and calling with love and support from when you got that first spinal tumour, through the year and a half of pancreatic cancer, and even now a year later. Friends and relatives from afar posted notes and prayers on Facebook. Your biker friends (especially Dwight) offered many times to help. Nathaniel and I so appreciated him rounding up the gang to bring trucks and deliver boxes and smaller items to our new home (It’s a comfort having my son around. He misses you too.). Dwight is keeping your memory alive with an annual motorcycle trip to Osoyoos. You guys loved that route. Lake Chelan is still a no-go because of covid-19. Good thing you took those trips to the States while you could.

Your Viking dream finally came true.

A year now. Your childhood dream was to explore the world and discover new places (Viking heritage!). Disappointment struck when you learned the entire world had already been discovered. But a year ago you embarked on the greatest journey of discovery–into the heavens. What is it really like, Sid? I thought I might see you zooming from cloud to cloud on your motorcycle, but all I see is airplane trails. I wonder what you zoom around on up there in that realm that we can’t see from here. Angels have wings, right? But ghosts don’t need them. And what kind of musical instruments have you learned to play? Do you still have the warm singing voice that I loved? So glad to have those videos I can watch any time–almost like having you here for a moment. Watch “Sid Fredericksen, Father of Love” on YouTube

I’ll join you before long. Love and tears, Pearl