A Season for Pondering

It is January 7th. We are still gradually putting away our Christmas decorations. It’s been a lovely season for us, beginning in late November with Christmas activities.

Bit by bit the days are lengthening in this part of the world, bringing a renewal of energy. The dark days of winter and the celebrations of Christmas and New Year’s Day for me are a season of pondering. The chilly wet weather is conducive to curling up in a comfy chair with a blanket and a hot drink and reading or watching TV or visiting or listening to my husband play his guitar and sing.

Christmas carols cause me to ponder the birth of Jesus, God’s love, light in darkness, hope and peace. Angels play a major role in Christmas. My husband and I have been attending a home Bible study group on the theme of angels. Over the Christmas season my husband read a book on angels, which I had bought and read years ago. We had some interesting discussions stemming from that and recalling our own experiences which seemed to involve angels. The book I am referring to is Celebration of Angels; A compelling look at the heavenly beings who touch our lives, by Timothy Jones, published in 1994 by Thomas Nelson.

I also read three thought-provoking novels, causing me to ponder marriage and family, life and death, forgiveness and understanding amoungst family members.

Such thoughts always renew my appreciation for my own parents and their faithfulness to each other and to us kids through thick and thin.

My own life has not fared so well. Perhaps I strove too hard. As a young person my conscience was over-active, causing me to be overwhelmed with feelings of guilt as well as trying too hard to be perfect. It wasn’t until later in life that I realized that God does not expect us to be perfect. He is a forgiving and understanding God.

Sadly, I projected that guilt and perfectionism onto my family, and it contributed to the demise of my first marriage and difficulties with my children. Thank God there has been forgiveness, but the damage was done.

My mother had many sayings, and one of them was “Get your priorities straight”. Looking back over my life I think I may have been better off not to focus so much on getting a higher education and having a career. After all, home and family has always been what is most fulfilling to me. I really believe in the traditional role of women as wives and mothers. Not to invalidate other roles as well. I do appreciate education and work but it has often been disappointing to me. Our Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has said that he feels abortions should be available to young women so that they can live up to their full potential. What indeed is “full potential” in a woman if it isn’t motherhood and bravely protecting and nurturing your own offspring, even at all costs?

So here I am in my 65th year of life looking back. Currently I am not working at a regular job, but will I have to find one again? The cost of living keeps rising and our pensions don’t! I feel fulfilled in my role as a wife looking after my husband and home, and as a mother looking after a son who has disabilities. My hobby of writing fulfills my creative streak. May I trust in God’s continued care and provision for myself and my family members and may He give me wisdom for the difficult decisions I will have to make!